Photography by @anetabenedict
THE FEELING OF ''MNA''
Currently, due to the lockdown, I struggle a lot. The first wave was quite pleasant because I got to rest for the first time in 4 years. I do love working. It is my usual regime, all the projects, agency work, and dancing.
As the second lockdown came through I was relatively mentally and financially prepared, but then November came, and every day became a bad day for me. I can not handle it mentally even though I do not have any competition right now, as everyone is in the same position with the lack of jobs, but I can't find any motivation. My mood is rather indifferent.
I always thought I wasn't a lazy person, and now I find the lazy side in me. Extreme procrastination. Since now I have a lot of time I find myself overthinking. People do write to you, want to meet up with you. But I feel like ... ''MNA''. Even when I go on a date, I catch myself on the idea that I force myself to experience something, to have at least some memories.
I am used to deadlines in my work and some sort of goals.
In a way, there is always a sort of closure to each job.
RAZOR VS KID
I am a person that needs to constantly be doing different things so my energy changes, I need stimulation. When I used to dance in Prostejov, I used to work full time. In the morning I drove to kindergarten and then to our dance school where I started called ''Skola Hubeny/Skinny School''. What a name right?
I used to teach choreography to kids, teenagers and young adults from morning to the evening. This was a competition unit. I am a very strict pedagogue they call me ''razor''. Also, I call them kids, however, I am referring to 20-year-olds because I am the mother of the house.
It is so Moravian to call someone a ''kid''.
Look it is complicated.
Here are some References to look up - Paris Is Burning (1990), Kiki (2016) and Pose Netflix (2018)
HOW I BECAME A MOTHER
During the first Corona wave, we established Kikihouseofambitchous. I am a brand new mother and brand new Voguer. I learn everything from the bottom. And the father of the house is Michal Ninja, who is my husband. Michal was Voguer for years.
You need to understand Vogue, dance Vogue and ride to the balls ''competitions''. And there is such a thing that is called a ballroom scene.
I have around 17 kids right now.
HOLD YOUR HORSES AND CONCENTRATE
I was going through changes. I started with Disco dancing which I hated but can admit it gave me a lot then I turned to street dance which I thought I was doing hip-hop but coming to Prague taking hip hop classes I learned through research that I was never doing hip-hop before.
Then I got into Prague burlesque. I was there for a season as a side dancer then next year I got the position to be a choreographer. Burlesque is a performance; it is not about dancing in a way. It takes a lot of courage.
I am more of a commercial dancer.
I learned about the boundaries when I am their friend, and when I am their agent.
IMPROVISATION THAT CREATED LIFE-CHANGING PROJECT
Me and Jakub we never studied management, we kind of improvised the whole thing. When someone sends you an email from a casting company, I had to learn all those terms through Google - learning from scratch.
It occurred to me that people came to the agency, with an attitude that they will be in some kind of community, and at the same time we will push them anywhere we can, without any effort on their side.
We do not primarily focus on people that ''look weird''. We do not want to be shaped by the classic agency. We need to balance it because we want to profit...we want to eat, but at the same time, we want to stay true to ourselves.
As I take it, as a performance dancer, I know if I want to get better jobs such as musicals, music videos etc. I know I have to practice. I have to do push-ups, stretch, and it is fucking painful. That's modelling.
We thought if we provide for the market ''different faces'' the chain will break a little and everyone will want it, but it didn't happen.
Clients were still going for the "basic faces'', and those "fascinating" faces had no jobs.
I can't have an agency of 300 people because I just have them from the beginning. If you are not active, interested or do not take it as a job and primarily a business, you will have no bookings.
You need to take care of yourself. If you go to parties and come back with black circles under your eyes, bad skin, tired and have no energy? Who is going to book you?
They have to understand, however, if they feel like objects. LET'S TALK ABOUT IT.
I CALL BULLSHIT
I was that girl that went through bullying in school and high school, due to being extremely skinny, having no boobs obviously from a small town. Class full of soccer and hockey players. All the girls already developed. Meanwhile, my nickname was ''skeleton''. There was no way for me to accept my femininity and sexuality.
When I just arrived to Prague, I didn't even want to go swimming because I was ashamed of my body. And now... just 2 days ago I was filming a sex scene for a movie which clearly shows development.
Maybe I over-perform it is a healing process to accept my body and myself.
I do care about people accepting me in the way that I am. Even if people say
I don't care what people think about me... I CALL BULLSHIT. I do naturally care about people, so they care about me. We need to exchange love.
My measurement of success is that I am finally here. I am happy with my body.
I try to be vulnerable because I do believe it is brave.